The light comes up. The stage is bare and minimalist.
The Indian American is onstage, examining a plant in the ground. The other Indian enters and is about to cross the stage when s/he sees the other Indian and stops. The first Indian becomes aware that someone else has arrived. They both make eye contact. The Indian rises from the ground.
INDIAN AMERICAN (INDO)
Hi.
AMERICAN INDIAN (AMER)
Hello.
INDO
What are you doing?
AMER
I was just about to take a hike in the woods. What are you looking for?
INDO
I’m looking for cumin.
AMER
Cumin?
INDO
It’s a plant. I need to find cumin so I can use it in Indian food for cooking. For dinner tonight.
AMER
Indian food?
INDO
Yes.
AMER
You’re an Indian?
INDO
Yeah... I am Indian.
(beat)
You look Indian.
AMER
Yes - I am Indian.
INDO
Yeah?
AMER
Yeah.
INDO
You’re from India, too?
AMER
No.
INDO
Are you the other type of Indian?
AMER
Yeah. I’m the other Indian.
INDO
What exactly are you?
AMERINDIAN
I am an Indian from the Americas. You’re from India?
INDO
Yes.
AMER
Where in India are you from?
INDO
Bihar, India. Where in the Americas are you from?
AMER
I am a Sioux Indian from South Dakota.
The Indian American suddenly crosses the stage and takes the other Indian’s hand and shakes it furiously. The American Indian is very much taken by surprise.
INDO
I’ve always wanted to meet you.
AMER
Me?
INDO
Well, I mean, I’ve always wanted to meet the other Indian - Native American Indians.
AMER
Yeah?
INDO
Yeah.
AMER
I’ve always wanted to meet an Indian from India. Do you like being Indian from India?
INDO
Very much. I love my culture, my food, my music, my architecture, my clothes, my movies. Everything about India, I love it. And you? Do you like being American Indian?
AMER
Of course I am. I am very proud of being Sioux.
INDO
If I was Sioux, I would be proud, too.
(beat)
AMER
How do you feel when people call us Indian and confuse Indians with Native Americans, and not India?
INDO
It used to make me angry and annoyed.
AMER
And now?
INDO
I learned to become accustomed to it. After some soul-searching and research, I’ve come to understand that for some Native Americans, the term 'Indian' is offensive, and for other Native Americans, they embrace the term 'Indian' as an identity seperate from other Americans.
AMER
That’s correct.
INDO
How does it make you feel when people call your people 'Indian' even though you are not from India and the name 'Indian' came from Christopher Columbus who thought he landed in India?
AMER
Christopher Columbus was a fool, an idiot who got lost and couldn’t find his way. How he’s celebrated as a great explorer is beyond me!
INDO
He was one of the biggest dumbasses in world history. Didn’t he know anything about India before attempting to sail there? The clothes, the languages, the temples, the mosques, all that...?
AMER
He didn’t discover America.
INDO
I know. Your people were there first.
AMER
It offends me sometimes when people call me Indian, when we are not from India. We are the true Americans! But you know, the term 'America' was coined by the White Man who claimed to discover our world. We have been here for thousands of years before the term 'America' was coined.
INDO
'America' was named after a white Italian man called Amerigo Vespucci.
AMER
Exactly. Sometimes it makes sense to call myself Indian because it is an identity, to seperate us from the palefaces and black people. In the past, many palefaces called us 'Indian' in a very degoratory manner. But then my people decided to take it back and reclaim it. The term 'Indian' unites our people as a whole community of Native Americans, not just tribes.
INDO
But why not just call yourself 'Native American'?
AMER
Because there are Native people in Canada, Mexico, Bolivia, Brasil, Chile, and all over the Americas, who were also called 'Indian' by the paleface settlers. So the term 'Indian' unites us all as one people.
INDO
When you call yourself 'Indian,' do you ever think of India?
AMER
When I was young, no. But as I got older, I became aware of the other Indian - the Indians from India.
INDO
How did it make you feel?
AMER
Curious. Intrigued.
INDO
I was also curious about the other Indians - the Native Americans.
AMER
How did you feel about being Indian when you were growing up?
INDO
I used to be ashamed and disgusted with being Indian. I wanted to be white, to be European.
AMER
Why?
INDO
Children in school often taunted me about India. We were called filthy cow worshippers and children would mock the way we pray. They would fall down to the floor, mocking prayer rituals they saw in old documentaries, and then they would break into laughter. Har har har! They would show me photos of poor Indians dressed in rags, and then taunt me that I was related to these poor beggars and that I must be dirty and live in a poor shack. They used to say that my mother was an ugly witch, because she always wore a saree and a large red bindi on her forehead. They would make cruel, snide comments about how weird and scary our religions were - Hinduism and Islam and Sikhism. It made me so angry and made me feel filthy and inferior.
AMER
I’m sorry you felt that way.
INDO
And that racist movie - Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
AMER
Wasn’t that movie set in India? And about Indiana Jones battling evil Indians?
INDO
Yes. And yes. That’s the movie.
AMER
I remember.
INDO
I hate that stupid, cruel movie. Do you remember the scene where they showed Indians eating monkey brains and baby snakes that were alive and slithering?
AMER
Ugh.
INDO
That movie made me ashamed of being Indian. I hated being Indian. I hated other Indians for a long time.
AMER
And now?
INDO
Now I know that was just racist Hollywood Orientalist propaganda garbage crap made to portray Indians and South Asians look evil and backward. My culture is epic. We are a great people. We have created some of the most beautiful historical landmarks in the world.
AMER
I’ve always been a fan of the Taj Mahal.
INDO
Yeah?
AMER
Yeah.
INDO
It’s beautiful.
AMER
Very beautiful.
INDO
I was educated in America, I went to a public school. American history always made me feel even more confused.
AMER
Why?
INDO
All that history lessons about the white people and Indians! Indians, Indians, Indians! As a child, I was always very confused about why everyone referred to the natives as 'Indians' when the natives looked nothing like my people from India and didn’t wear sarees or eat curry or worship Lakshmi or Allah or speak Hindi or Tamil.
(beat)
Once in a while, the teachers would have us play games to act out historical roles. She would have some of us pretend to be white, and others would pretend to be Indian. I was always chosen to play the Indian.
AMER
How did that make you feel?
INDO
Awkward and confused.
AMER
I can see that. I would be confused about that too, if I was East Indian.
INDO
I always wished they would teach us about history of India, Pakistan, China, the Middle East, Africa, Latin America. But no, it was always about the white people, the white people in Western Europe and America!
AMER
That’s American education for you.
INDO
Yes, and when we talked about Indians - the Native Americans, I mean - they were always a small footnote. Never the main focus of topic in history class.
AMER
Typical! We are often pushed aside and ignored! We were here first, and our contributions to American history are never important enough for them to bring up.
INDO
How did you feel about being Indian when you were growing up?
AMER
We are often dismissed and denied as if we don’t exist anymore. Many palefaces and even black people and immigrants think that we Indians donn’t exist, that we are all gone and wiped out.
INDO
There are people who think that?
AMER
Oh yes. Some people are shocked upon meeting me, and then often treat me like I am a magical fantasy character with mystical powers. We are often caricatured as cartoon characters, as backward primitive heathens that needed to be disciplined, civilized, and converted to Christianity.
INDO
Just like how Hollywood portrays your people.
AMER
Every year, on Halloween and Thanksgiving, we are often mocked and our cultures are reduced to little stupid home decorations and sold at major corporate chains. Girls would dress up as slutty Indians on Halloween and pretend to go around scalping people and mock our women. Guys would wear the sacred headdress and go whooping around like it was supposed to be funny. It makes me angry and humiliated, like I am just some joke for people to laugh at, like my culture is a farce.
(beat)
When I was a child, I too, wanted to become a paleface, to get away from it all.
INDO
And now?
AMER
And now I am proud to be Indian.
INDO
How do you feel about the Cleveland Indians?
AMER
Do you really have to ask? Can you already guess how I feel?
INDO
I hate their team, I hate their stupid logo, and I hate their name.
AMER
We have been trying to ask the team to change their name and use a new logo.
INDO
And what happened?
AMER
They refuse to listen. And some palefaces tell us to stop being crybabies and to get over it and they tell me it’s just a sports team and nothing serious.
INDO
It is serious. It is a big deal. The name of the team and its logo continue to perpetuate the offensive stereotypes of Native Americans and portray your people as cartoon characters.
AMER
Yes exactly - there is a very long history of racism and violence against my people, and the Cleveland Indians is complicit in its casual racism against us, and we won’t stand for it anymore.
INDO
It won’t be an easy path to fight against racism.
AMER
It never was, and it never will be.
INDO
I know.
(beat)
Have you ever had Indian food?
AMER
Indian food?
INDO
Curry? Korma? Naan? Pulao?
AMER
No.
INDO
No?
AMER
No.
INDO
Why not?
AMER
(laughs)
There aren’t that many East Indians back home where I live, so where can I find an Indian restaurant?
INDO
Where’s your home?
AMER
South Dakota.
INDO
I’ve never been there.
AMER
It’s beautiful. Small and quiet, but beautiful.
INDO
Are there a lot of American Indians in South Dakota?
AMER
Yes. We make up almost 9% of the population in South Dakota.
INDO
Just 9%? That sounds very small.
AMER
We make up the largest group in South Dakota, after white people. 9% may sound rather small, but it’s not really that small.
INDO
Oh.
AMER
I’ve always wanted to try Indian food.
INDO
Well, I need some cumin seeds. I’m making Indian food tonight, I will use family recipes that my grandmother from Kolkata passed down to me. You wanna try the food?
AMER
Me?
INDO
Sure. You can have dinner at my home if you want.
AMER
I’d love to, but I don’t want to impose.
INDO
No, not at all. You’re my fellow Indian!
(they both laugh)
AMER
You sure you don’t mind?
INDO
Well, if you come over to my home and eat Indian food, you must promise me to invite me over to your home and let me try your food. I’ve never had the other Indian food.
AMER
Sounds like a plan.
INDO
Do you know where I can find cumin?
AMER
I don’t know anything about cumin.
INDO
I was told it’s somewhere around here. Can you identify plants?
AMER
What the hell am I? A medicine man?!
INDO
No, no... well, look, you were going to take a hike in the woods, so I figure you must be a nature enthusiast and maybe you know botany-
AMER
(laughs)
I was just playing.
INDO
Oh. I thought I offended you.
AMER
Nah it’s all good.
INDO
There.
(picks up invisible seeds from the ground and smells it)
That’s cumin.
AMER
What are you gonna do with it?
INDO
You put cumin in the pot, along with oil and some other spices, before you boil the curry. Cumin has a sweet aromatic smell, it adds flavor to the curry.
AMER
Is it gonna cure all my ailments?
INDO
What?
AMER
Ayurvedic medical cooking or something. I hear you Indians are good at healing the sick.
INDO
I’m not a doctor...
AMER
Just kidding! I was pretending to stereotype you as the New Age magical guru who knows how to heal sick people.
INDO
Oh.
(they both laugh)
AMER
I’m really hungry, I’d love to eat a good home-cooked meal tonight.
INDO
Trust me, home-cooked Indian food is better than those crap you eat at Indian American restaurants.
AMER
Yeah?
INDO
Oh yeah. You know how Chinese food in America is not really Chinese?
AMER
That’s what I’ve heard.
INDO
So much meat and lots of soy sauce crap. Well, I can tell you that I’ve heard Chinese food in China is much more healthy and they use more vegetables. It’s the same with Indian food here in America - all those heavy curries smothered with so much meat, they taste good, but that’s not what we eat at home everyday.
AMER
No?
INDO
Nope. I’ll make just one curry dish tonight, but mostly we’ll eat lentils and vegetables and plain rice.
AMER
What are we waiting for? You have my mouth watering at the thought of Indian food. Let’s go.
INDO
Alright. My home is just right down the path over there.
AMER
You live right at the neck of the woods?
INDO
Yeah, right over there.
AMER
Are you in touch with nature?
INDO
You can say that. Hell, I’m a real cowboy at heart.
AMER
Yeah?
INDO
Oh yeah. I love horses and the wilderness. I could live in the woods for my whole life and take care of horses. I don’t need anything else. I’d be happy this way.
AMER
I prefer the big city. The hustle and the bustle of the city, constantly buzzing and moving at night, never with a moment of silence.
INDO
You should go to India and visit Kolkata or Mumbai. You’d fit right in.
(looks at watch)
I have to go home right now and take the naan out of the oven. It’s probably done now. Let’s go.
AMER
What’s naan?
INDO
It’s some kind of bread.
AMER
What kind of bread?
INDO
It’s a leavened flatbread, baked in a clay oven.
AMER
I’ve never heard of that.
INDO
Well, try it and you’ll see what it’s like.
AMER
Speaking of bread, have you ever had frybread?
INDO
No. What’s that?
They exit offstage. Light fades out.
Black-out.
END.
